Brain cells? We don't need no stinkin' brain cells!

So Erick and I have been doing our best to fit in to the Southern way of life. He's decided Auburn will be his "team" (they ask you Alabama or Auburn when you first move here), we've had boiled peanuts, we've discovered what muscadines are, and we've eaten some pretty dang good BBQ. This week we learned about the infamous "Skeeter" truck that drives around and sprays for mosquitos. We were over at our pals' house - Jack and Mandi - and heard what we thought was a street sweeper. They corrected us in our assumption and told us about this "skeeter truck"

Now Jack and Mandi moved here about the same time we did - but they live in a more populated area of Prattville than we do so they have experienced a few more local things than we have. One day, while outside talking to their neighbors, this truck drives by releasing its mosquito killing toxins in the air. This didn't phase the locals, who remarked to Jack and Mandi that the folks who lived in their house before them used to run everytime they saw that truck coming. They thought this was very silly of them because as kids, they used to chase the "skeeter" trucks with their bikes. Somehow this just didn't come across to any of us "foreigners" as a safe and healthy passtime...kinda like when I moved to Texas and saw kids on sleds tied to the bumpers of cars driving down the ice covered roads during the first Winter I spent there.

Last night, the "skeeter" truck made it by our neighborhood. Needless to say, Erick and I did not feel compelled in an attempt to "fit in" to go out and chase it down.

If my baby comes out with 2 heads, I'm blaming Tricare.

Hello. My name is Gretchen and I HATE Tricare...and while we're at it, military medicine in general.

I took a home pregnancy test over a month ago and up popped two lines. I called the base clinic and was advised to come in for a "walk-in" pregnancy screening. I went in, gave them their lab sample, walked into a room, was weighed, had my blood pressure checked, and then was handed a letter saying "Congratulations New Parent". That's how I "officially found out" - no discussion, no explanation - just a generic form letter. How grand.

The nurse came in next to talk to me about what I needed to do next. It was pretty much me asking what I needed to do because I was directed to the letter I received. She sat there as if she was bored out of her mind, answered my questions and then stopped talking altogether. After a period of awkward silence I asked "Should I go? Is that it?" She said "Yeah, that's it" without bothering to even look at me. Wonderful.

So per the instructions I was to call my PCM for a referral to a local civilian OB. I checked with friends to see who was good, called my PCM and left a message first thing the next morning. I received a phone call at close of business that day from my PCM's nurse that resulted in the following conversation:

Nurse: I see you have requested a referral for an OB
Me: Yes, that's correct.
Nurse: What is the reason?
Me: I'm pregnant - I just found out and was told to get a referral from my PCM.
Nurse: Did you come in for a pregnancy screening?
Me: Yes, I did that yesterday.
Nurse: Did you see the nurse?
Me: I saw a nurse, she gave me this letter and told me to get a referral.
Nurse: We have no record of your visit.
Me: Well, I came in - how do you think I got this letter?
Nurse: Well, they didn't indicate it in your file...ummm, who is it that you want to see?
Me: Dr. Lawhon - he's with Physicians for Women
Nurse: Alright, well is there a way you can come in tomorrow?
Me: No, I'm flying to San Antonio at 5:00AM.
Nurse: Um, okay, I'll draw up your referral and send it out tomorrow.

Naturally, I thought that my referral would be waiting for me when I got back the next week. Wrong. So I called the Tricare Referral Office and discovered they had me listed to see some other doctor from a completely different group than the one I requested. So, they told me that they would change it. Four days later, I received my referral - for the wrong doctor. I called again. They told me, "oh no - it's changed in the system, that letter was just sent out before the change was made." Fair enough. So about a week later, I received another referral letter. Without opening it, I set it on the counter at home....well, the next day happened to be trash day and I can only assume that dear Erick, in his role as an exceptional husband (which he is by the way), threw away what he thought to be junk mail. No harm done really, I work right next to the clinic so I went over to the Tricare office later that week to get a new one. Unfortunately their system was down, but they told me the easiest thing would be to call Monday (today) and have them fax the referral. I'm all for efficiency, so I agreed. MAJOR MISTAKE.

So I called first thing this morning and was told "yes ma'am we have your referral for Central Alabama OB and Associates." WRONG! Here we go again.

Lay off me - I'm STARVING

So pregnancy, I'm discovering, is an exhausting and grueling exercise. I know I'm only just getting started - more fun yet to come - but I feel like my body is in training for the Boston Marathon.

I didn't believe I was pregnant when we first found out at the end of August. For two weeks I had been going through I severe case of what I believed was PMS. I was bloated, tired, hungry, my back hurt, I was moody, and I knew, I just knew that this month's visitor was going to be a doozy. But it didn't come, and it didn't come...so for kicks I bought a pregnancy test. Totally skeptical I took it - bracing myself for the disappointment that always followed on previous occasions. Almost immediately, two little lines popped up - I was completely dumb-founded. Of course, Erick and I were excited, but it was just so strange after two years of nothing to suddenly have something.

Well, now the fun begins. Since that blessed day I have had a time trying to get used to my ever-changing body. One sister at church told me that it's like "you're climbing Mount Fuji everyday". I would have to heartily agree with that statement. While in San Antonio I had to sit through a day of seminars - by 1:00 I was completely catatonic - by 5:00, I don't think I could've told you my name. I am very grateful that I work part-time because when I go home and eat lunch, I pass out before I even realize what's happening and wake up wiping the drool from my face and wondering why Erick is already home.

Nausea has been my constant companion for a couple weeks now. It comes and goes throughout the day - but thanks to some wonderful advice I have learned how to get the better of it...for the most part. There are times when it just comes up and gets me - and those are the days I feel like I'm dying. It's awful to be sick and tired....and hungry.

Which brings me to my next - food. I can't get enough of it. I feel like such a porker. I just went out and bought a whole mess of healthy snacks - fruits, veggies, crackers, etc. But it is so hard to resist some of the good old fattening stuff. I was having a particularly nasty case of nausea on the road and decided to stop at Sonic for an Orange cream slush ( citrus is supposed to help). Featured prominently on Sonic's menu was their Chili Cheese tots. Suddenly I got a hankering for them - I was good and avoided them - but I kept thinking about how yummy they would be. A few nights later, I made Erick make me chili cheese turkey hot dogs - it was the best meal I think I ever had in my life. Seriously. How sad is that?



I am determined to exercise everyday - and so far have been doing a pretty good job. Even if it's just 20 minutes - I do it. Mostly I try to do an hour on the treadmill or the elliptical - running/walking. It helps with my nausea and gives me a little more energy, surprisingly - though not much. I still am completely drained in the afternoon and usually have to nap, or force myself to do the simplest things.

I have been told that all of this tiredness and nausea disappear at the end of the first trimester. I am looking forward to functioning like a normal human being again. However, I am concerned because already I'm up at least twice in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom - I can't imagine what it's going to be like when the shrimp gets bigger - I may just have to look into Depends.

THAT"S MY PURSE!!!! I DON"T KNOW YOU!!!!

On Thursday I left dear ol Alabama for San Antonio to attend the CAP National Board. While I have many opinions about the Civil Air Patrol and it's members I will refrain from that diatribe and just give you a glimpse as to what they are like from the following:

About two weeks prior to my trip, I received an e-mail from a member which stated the following: "Are you going to be at the National Board? I'd love to have the opportunity to talk with you" I was a little discomforted by this e-mail as I had no idea who this gentleman was, but I answered: "Yes, I will be there. I am going there to learn about the program and meet the members that I will be working with".

Imagine my shock, surprise and distress when on Thursday, the day I arrived, as I was trying to take a nap after traveling since 4AM, I received a phone call in my hotel room:

CAP member: Uh, yes, is this Gretchen Clayson?

Me: Yes, this is she

CAP member: Gretchen, this is _________, you said we could meet - I'd really love to ask you some questions about the DDR program.

Me: Yes, sir, I remember telling you I would be at National Board, but as I told you before, I'm here to learn - I don't know what I could tell you.

CAP member: I'm sure you can answer my questions.

Me: Okay...

{awkward silence}

Me: Well, are you going to ask me your questions?

CAP member: I really would like to meet you - can't you come down so we can talk? I really want to meet you.

Me: Sir, I'm really tired, I've been up since 4AM and you just interrupted my nap - there's a mix and mingle tonight - are you planning on attending that?

CAP member: Well, I wasn't planning on it - I'd really like to just ask you these questions.

Me: Wait, How did you get my room number?

CAP member: I called the switchboard, I, I, I don't know your room number, no- are you going to come down?

Me: No, I'm sorry, but I told you before I don't know much about the program - again, there's a mix and mingle tonight.

CAP member: .....ugh......I guess I can go to that.

Me: Great.

Incidentally I did not attend the mix and mingle because it turns out it was just for members. The next day this creepy old man approached me in the seminar and cornered me - it was him. He sat right in front of me and then in between seminars as I was preparing the handouts in the corner, I looked up and to my horror, saw that he was taking pictures of me...and only me.

Apparently this is pretty standard for CAP folks - apparently some volunteers (as we call them) will even follow you to your hotel room or to the bathroom. They are a strange bunch.